Women
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman.

If you don't, you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying.

If you don't, you are good for nothing.
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Connecting
When you think about
the purest love
Besides that which comes
from up above
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A Love Letter By Duff Cooper to Diana
June 9, 1914

Don't write too legibly or intelligibly as I have no occupation so pleasant as pondering for hours over your hieroglyphics, and for hours more trying to interpret your dark sayings. A clearly written simply expressed letter is too like the lightening.
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Items And Their Gender
SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
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The Top 15 Euphemisms for Impotence
12. Sch-wing and a miss
11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense
10. The Null Monty
9. Disappointing Miss Daisy
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