Dear Sweetheart Love Sir Miss Beautiful Handsome Boyfriend Girlfriend Babe Beefcake Wife Husband Chick Stud Muffin Pudding Love of My Life My One and Only What's Your Name To Whom It May Concern ,

I am so sorry I was late lied cheated missed our date missed our anniversary missed the wedding missed our wedding missed my appointment missed the funeral forgot your name called you by another name yelled out another name yelled out your sister's name yelled out your father's name ran over your cat ran over your dog ran over your mother slept with your sibling but if your willing to   

listen, I have an perfectly good excuse.  You see,

  I was busy shopping for a gift for you shopping for jewelry for you shopping for this months Playboy for you pricing a new car for you helping the orphans serving meals at the local homeless shelter being very ill getting drunk reading to people at the old folks home giving to the poor at a clothing optional floor show consoling a troubled friend protesting that thing your against thinking how much I love you ...ummm...wait...it will come to me... doing that thing that I do when  

all of the sudden I saw someone choking the police busted in the FBI came up to me I saw a little child crying I saw a stripper crying the image of your beauty popped into my head I hit my head I felt really dizzy aliens abducted me My pager went off a strange man approached me your mom came in ...ummm...wait...still thinking... I was still doing that thing that I do

and I knew that life-saving thing said they needed my help on an important case said the president was missing they said they were lost they said they needed 20 more bucks the thought of you blew my mind the thought of you made me want to do more I got amnesia I passed out I was knocked out said I was their new leader I was called into action I was drafted said I was needed for a secret mission ...ummm...wait...it will come to me... I had to stop doing that thing that I do .

So, thinking of you, I knew what I had to do.  Next thing

I know, I'm saving a life rescuing someone shopping for more jewelry once again thinking of you loving you even more in a far off land in another galaxy go see a doctor in bed with a stranger in bed with your relative in bed with my relative in bed with the President on another plane of existence fighting for my life saving the planet thinking up a good story ...yep...still thinking... back to doing the thing that I do and I was being forced to

be late enjoy it betray our vows fight the evil Overlord Zeek miss our date cry like a baby take powerful drugs miss our wedding miss my appointment tell a lot of people how special you are tell a lot of people how forgiving you are get naked and roll around in peanut butter fight for my life participate in a high speed car chase be at one with the universe ...no I can't say...it's to horrible ...ummm...you know...that thing... do it again .  After it was all over,  blacked

out which would explain how I ended up missing our date missing our wedding missing the event drunk on your doorstep in bed with that person in bed with that animal wearing your underwear lying...as it was for you cheating...as it was for you not home late naked on your front lawn extremely late years late forgeting your name forgeting our event ...you know... doing it so much .

To make it up to you I would love

to take you out to an expensive meal take you to that movie you want to see do whatever you want to make you happy beg on my knees crawl over broken glass for your forgiveness make new arrangements kiss and make up kiss, make up and then some be your snicker doodle once again start over buy you a new dog buy you a new cat pay for a new dress promise to be good promise to be bad ...oh yeah you know do it again ,  Although it

is possible that I may be late. suddenly stricken with an illness. I may be attacked with a sudden case of stupidity. I'll have to see you sooner then that. ...no that won't happen again...will it? I will end up more in love with you then ever. I may have to take advantage of you. get a call from the President. get called back into duty. the aliens come back for me. this is all a dream. you think I made this all up. you need more...do you? ...nah... I can't do it anymore.

Yours Fondly, Yours Truly, Yours Not So Truly, Yours Humblely, Yours Beggingly, Sincerly, Signed, Awaiting your reply, Clandestinely, Humorously, Extremely Sorry, Longingly, Yours Forver, Yours if you'll have me, Me, Myself and I, Just Me,