The Freudian Purity Test

This test is not recommended for children! It's not explicit, but I don't want to be held accountable for warping impressionable young minds.

DISCLAIMER:

I am not a psychologist of any sort (though didn't Vygotsky say that we are all amateur psychologists?). Your rating on this test, while, hopefully, amusing, is not a medical diagnosis. Furthermore, I don't claim to endorse Freud's theory. If you have a problem with psychoanalysis, take it to people who know.

Note: The test works better if you try not to read ahead.

Check off all that apply to you:

1. You are afraid of cigars.

2. You love your mother.

3. You hate your mother.

4. When you buy a gingerbread man, you always eat the head first.

5. Your favourite colour is purple.

6. You wear one or several rings that you absent-mindedly play with.

7. Your favourite childhood story was "The Little Engine that Could".

8. You play pool or golf.

9. --- extra point if it's mini-golf (with the little windmills and bridges)

10. You frequently tell lewd jokes.

11. All your friends seem sexually frustrated but you.

12. You have ever unintentionally replaced a normal word with a sexual/anatomical one in everyday conversation (eg. "You're my breast friend...").

You have ever dreamt about:
13. a tree

14. a tree stump

15. a room of any sort

16. a white horse

17. the ocean

18. a ship

19. doors or other entryways

20. swords or knives

21. two sisters

22. --- extra point if they were identical twins

23. an umbrella

24. --- extra point if it was open

25. flying

You have fervently asserted, at any point in time, that:
26. You are not gay.

27. Freud was a crackpot.

28. You're not that sexually experienced.

29. You were not coming on to that man/woman.

30. He/she is a complete {insert offensive sexual expletive here}.

Read through the following sentences, without checking off any boxes.
31. Here, let me give you a hand.

32. I'm not hungry -- I had a late lunch.

33. Robert just doesn't come here often enough.

34. He may be a tough case now, but I'll straighten him out.

35. No, I didn't sleep very well. I was up all night.

Now, go back and check off all of the sentences to which you assigned a sexual connotation.

36. When you read the previous sentences over the second time, you couldn't help but see the sexual connotation in them all.

Any of these are among your favourite foods:
37. bananas

38. pickles

39. pudding

40. lollipops

41. tomatoes

Any of these are among your favourite animals:
42. monkeys

43. giraffes

44. elephants

45. dolphins

46. snakes

You have visited (or longed to visit) any of the following attractions:
47. The CN tower

48. The Eiffel tower

49. The leaning tower of Pisa

50. Mount Everest

51. The Grand Canyon

52. Mount Vesuvius

53. The Great Wall of China

54. You have an intense and irrational fear of any of the above.

You devote large amounts of time and energy to:
55. playing sports

56. sculpting

57. playing violin, viola, or cello

58. playing guitar

59. dancing

60. --- extra point if it's interpretive

61. swimming

You own:
62. an electric pencil sharpener

63. any potted plants

64. --- extra point if they flower

65. a model train set

66. --- extra point if it includes model tunnels

67. a four-poster bed or a water bed


68. You lied at all while filling out this test.

69. You giggled/laughed at all while filling out this test.

70. The previous question made you feel uncomfortable, but you can't quite figure out why.

Questions Borrowed From The Freudian Purity Test

Powered by Purity Test 0.2A


 
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