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Sex Survey

Please complete the following survey to determine the nature of your sex-life:

1 Do you and your partner make love
[A] once a month or less?
[B] more than once a month?
[C] 5 times a night?

2 When you make love, do you engage in foreplay
[A] what's foreplay????
[B] for at least 5 minutes?
[C] using a feather duster and a whip?

3 During intercourse, what positions do you use?
[A] under the sheets, with the lights off, thank you very much
[B] various, depending on the mood
[C] tied up in the wardrobe with one foot in a bucket of cold custard

4 During intercourse, do you and your partner
[A] get it over as quickly as possible?
[B] say words of encouragement to each other like "Mmm, that's nice" and "Ooohh, yes, right there"?
[C] beat each other with kippers and lick ice-cream out of each others' armpits?

5 After intercourse, do you
[A] roll over and go to sleep without saying a word?
[B] cuddle your partner and tell them how good it was?
[C] swing from the ceiling-light, yodelling like Tarzan, then pick up an axe and cut a large notch in the headboard while smoking a cigarette?

Your answers
Mostly [A]'s
Perhaps you could try to be a bit more adventurous

Mostly [B]'s
You have a healthy sex-life and a good understanding with your partner

Mostly [C]'s
Let me know your address, I'll be round with a few mates and a 6-pack to watch

Thank you for your co-operation

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