Piece Of My Soul (Part VII) - Never Give Up On Yourself
Not all my encounters have ended on a positive note. One encounter rocked me to my soul and made me doubt everything I hold dear, pushing me to the brink of a Nervous Breakdown. But, tetering on that edge, I was thrown a rope and found my wings.
This story centers around a young woman we shall call Sybil. From the first day we meet we knew one thing...we did not like each other. Like dogs and cats, we had never had a direct problem with each other, but something unknown to either of us caused us to clash. Active in similar activities at school, we tried our best to avoid each other, but events always seemed to push us together.
It was the end of winter when it happened. We, along with 10 other individuals had been selected to go to a conference at Washington State University to represent the University of Washington Residence halls. As luck would have it, through random selection, I was placed riding within the van Sybil was driving. My friends all teased me, saying that for as much as I disliked Sybil, we would probably end up dating when we got back. I told them, and I quote, "She is the last person I would or even should ever date!"...You can probably guess what happened, we started dating upon our return...
We dated for about a month, and to be honest, I was very happy during that month. My relationship with her was very romantic. At the end of the month we both realized that there was nothing there so we went our separate ways. I knew, deep down, that she was still in love with her exboyfriend (whom she almost married). I really wanted her to be happy, and so I was ok with her wanting to regain her happiness. There was, surprisingly no pain in my heart, because I knew it was the right thing. I only craved to maintain the friendship we had created against the odds. We both agreed to try and hang onto the friendship and not revert back to the way things use to be.
At that time I lived on campus in the dorms and she worked at the front desk. Everyday on my way way class I had to pass by the desk where she worked. We did not talk as much, but I still sent her e-mails (as I did to many of my friends) most mornings wishing her a good day. As I would pass her desk she started giving me weird looks. Then, one day I received an e-mail telling me not to write her anymore. She called me to tell me that she "knew I was totally crushed" by our break up, and that we could only be friends if I admitted to her. But, as I informed her, I really wasn't hurt...that I only wanted to see her happy. She choose not to believe me but I let that go...
She kept telling people that she was convinced that I was deeply hurting inside over our break-up. She started going around telling my friends that I was hiding my pain...I just ignored it. Then it began to get scary. She started to claim that, as I passed the desk where she worked, if I looked at her, I was giving her a threating look and if I didn't look, then I was trying to get to her as well.
Later I found out that she was telling my friends that I told her horrible lies about them while we were dating. Many of my friends stopped talking to me. I was at my breaking point when a young female friend I cared very much for came up to me and said that she never wanted to see me again after the horrible things Sybil had told her I had said (I had no idea what she was talking about and still don't to this day). I snapped...I went home, called up Sybil's Answering machine and left a very upset message. The message I left was "If you do not stop spreading these lies about me I will go to your bosses, tell them what is going on and make sure you lose your job...I can live with you tryingt o hurt me, but not my friends."
Later I felt bad...I had not heard Sybil's side of the story. I had no proof, except what my friend had said through tear soaked words that Sybil had told her horrible things. I called and apologized and to hear her side of things (only later to find out she had told the lies, which she admitted to just me). A few days later, her fellow employees all over the dorms started to follow me whenever I walked the halls. I was told I was banned from the hall where Sybil lived, even though I had always had weekly meetings in that building (I was a member of residence hall government), and there was no explanation.
I found out later that Sybil had told the Director of the hall and all the Employees that I had made threats against her life. In her mind I had threatened her job, which to her, in her own world, equaled her life (of course she never told her fellow emplyees it was only her job I threatened, she said it was her life). There I was, friendless, reputation shattered, just waiting for Sybils next attempt to destroy me further, still not knowing why. I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. All these things were happening to me for reasons I could not understand. All I had ever wanted was her happiness and a simple friendship. I felt no energy to fight back. Confusion had tied down my soul.
At the same time all this was going on, I met another wonderful woman. A very eloquent, sophisticated and wise southern woman who was running for School government (we will call her Kat). Her and I hit up a friendship that has lasted to this day. I began to help with her campaign. Being the wise woman that she was, she sensed my pain. She took time out from her life to teach me some valuable lessons.
Sometimes you have to fight.
You can't let others rule over you, you have to stand toe to toe with them.
If something is wrong, you have to fix it.
If you know your in the right, then your honesty will lead the way.
It was from her example, her interactions, her challanges of me that I was able to find the strength to pull myself out of the pit I was in and beat that ten count.
I contacted the only Resident Director who would still talk to me and she set up a face to face with Sybil and me (with the Director moderating). Luckily, Sybil slipped up and admitted too causing all the problems and making up stories. You should have seen the shock on the RD's face when Sybil accidently admitted it was her job I threatened and not her life. The Resident Director ordered her to go back to everyone and tell them the truth, but the damage was already done and the trust between me and my friends was very hard to re-build. She later graduated, never keeping her promise to repair the damage she had created.
I later found out that Sybil's exboyfriend, who she wanted back, would only give her the time of day when she was in need. She made up all the stories so he'd rush to her side...so he would think she needed protection.
Basically I'm telling you this story, because at that time I had sunk to the lowest point possible. I thought my life was over. But, thanks to Kat, I kept striving to reach tommorow with the hope that it would be a little bit brighter then yesterday. Today, my life couldn't be better, all because I never gave up on tommorow. My life got better the day I took control of my destiny, instead of letting destiny control me...
To Sybil I dedicate this little melody...To me it's about someone who doesn't care who they hurt because they "can't be wrong"...but pay attention to the last lines as it shows forgiveness in the end...Do I hate Sybil...no...I pity her...A life built on lies will eventually crash down on you...guaranteed!!!
Little Miss Can't Be Wrong Spin Doctors, Pocket Full Of Kryptonite
Been a whole lot easier since the bitch left town
Been a whole lot happier without her face around
Nobody upstairs gonna stomp and shout
Nobody at the back door gonna throw my laundry out
She hold the shotgun while you dote-se-doe
She want one man made of Hercules and Cyrano
Been a whole lot easier since the bitch is gone
Little Miss, Little Miss Can't Be Wrong
Little Miss, Little Miss Little Miss Can't Be Wrong
Ain't no body gonna bow no more when you sound your gong
Little Miss, Little Miss Little Miss Can't Be Wrong
Whatcha go'n do to get into another one of these here
rock 'n' roll songs?
Other people's thoughts they ain't your hand-me-downs
Would it be so bad to simply turn around
You cook so well, all nice and French
You do your brain surgery too, with a monkey wrench
I hope them cigarettes are gonna make you cough
Hope you hear this song and it pissed you off
I take that back: hope you're doing fine
And if I had a dollar, I might give you ninety-nine
Some of you might be wondering what ever happened with Kat and I. There is so much more to tell. But, as is my practice, that will have to wait for another chapter. Before that happens, we will relive a memory that begins when I was just an infant in my crib. It is a tale of the first person I ever had a crush on. It is also the hardest chapter I have ever had to write. It is the one story I have been putting off because the rivers run so deep.
Next Chapter: First Crushed
Good day, good night, sleep long, dream well.
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