After your humans give you a bath,
DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on
the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal! When
the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if
you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house
for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done
absolutely nothing wrong.)
Let the humans teach you a brand new
trick. Learn it perfectly. When the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare
blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Make your humans be patient. When
you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if
the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
Draw attention to the human. When
out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and
make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to
bring a plastic bag.
When out for a walk, alternate
between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always
bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in
a while.
Hide from your humans. When your
humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them
think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is
panic-stricken and close to tears).
When your human calls you to come
back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
Wake up twenty minutes before the
alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As
soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going
outside, this will drive them nuts!)
